Earthcamp
I come to you all with the hope of staying sane during Earthcamp. For my own human existence to continue, I must begin to write. There is no possibility of me resisting it any longer, lest I want to be on beta blockers every moment for the rest of my life. While I am sure they are helpful in many circumstances, I know I must attempt to find a life that does not cause me to feel overcome with panic sensations for the rest of my existence- my heart will thank me in the long run.
Why some art and creation has to be so painful to birth is still a mysterious question to me, but the promise of human life was never one without pain. I would like to believe that we could, as a species overall, live a less painful existence than we currently do, with our warring political states and ever present threat of capitalism stealing time, but for now, it does seem that we are living in a tumultuous time.
I am learning about the concept of “visionary fiction,” coined by Walidah Imarisha, adrienne maree brown and Reneé Weber, in which people use fiction writing to imagine new ways of human life, consciousness, with a focus on “… building new, freer worlds and challenging dominant narratives of power” (1). These ways of thinking resonate strongly with me and I feel lucky to live as contemporary among many of the incredible thinkers and writers shaping this relatively new (or at least newly acknowledged) genre.
Writing has been hard. Fear has kept me from writing for a long time. Crippling anxiety and chronic panic attacks have plagued me most days that I have procrastinated my writing efforts, and I cannot continue to live like this.
Calling the hotline frequently, almost daily or more than once on some days, is no way to live, and I cannot manage as such any longer (and I must continue to live, so I better figure something out). I cannot continue to deny my intuition or resist the path that my soul has been seemingly contracted to. It is easy enough to know what you are supposed to do, and certainly still easy enough to talk about it, but to push through all fear and creative blocks and to actually begin to tackle the daunting challenge has been a sticking point for me for many years. Extended, isolated time, for years on end. A time I frequently described myself as feeling as though I could barely keep my head above water. For the past few months, it has nearly felt like battling some sort of literal negative energy in order to even get a glimpse at my normal, regulated, functional self.
I don’t want to live like this. And I have a hunch that I am feeling this way because I am not bringing my ideas to fruition or working towards my life path. I will actively choose not to undercut myself in this statement and I will simply say that I feel as though I have been given some insight into the basic premise of some of the goals of my life on this planet, and while these goals have been highly specific, they have also seemed, thus far, to be highly subversive to nearly all aspects of mainstream capitalist culture and therefore potentially dangerous to publish. While it is supposed to be illegal to take out people that speak out against the mainstream in a country that supposedly prides itself on free speech, we all know that whisteblowers and those who dare to protest and challenge the status quo can often face harsh punishment in our current times, even still.
But I do feel that there is no more time to wait in this time. While I want to harness all the teachings of those far, far wiser than myself, especially those that teach the wisdom of patience and the virtue of equanimity, I also do believe we live in somewhat urgent times. Or, at least, I believe that it is important to at least start now. To at least try to put myself out there, and to see what I can learn as I do. We all have value to share, and this small blog is a testament to believing that about everyone, including myself. We can all change the world together, but only if we all let ourselves try. We must overcome the fears that have been drilled into us to make us stay submissive and unquestioning in our roles as “good” members of society. If the time is not now for a full scale re-evaluation of how things are operating, and there is no reason that every single human cannot participate. If we are the have a planet that is peaceful, if we are to truly overcome the negativity that is needlessly perpetuated on this planet, we are all going to have to work together. We are all going to have to learn to forgive. We are all going to have to learn to organize. We are all going to have to learn to love. There is going to have to be a new era of true forgiveness and understanding for one another, for the human condition that we all seem to be in. There are so many people raising their voices now in support of this cause, and I humbly hope to simply be one of the voices that joins the choir. If you ever think that your voice is not needed, you must remember that nothing is built properly without all of the pieces. We all know that, as much as we can try, if there is even one screw missing, things cannot come together fully until that last piece is found. We need all of the voices. We need all of the people. We need all of the ideas, the passion, the anger and the joy, to allow this new world to be birthed into existence. We need you to write for the people, sing for the people, dance for the people. Whatever it is, we need everyone. Everyone is important. And the more love perpetuated and multiplied out into the world, the better. For it doesn’t have to be like this. And it won’t be like this forever. But it won’t just happen on its own. We must learn to gently usher in this new era, and to hold more gently all that we go through and all those we love.
“Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.”
Sources
https://english.ucsb.edu/courses/summer-b-2020/visionary-fiction/#:~:text=This%20course%20takes%20its%20title%2C%20%E2%80%9CVisionary%20Fiction%2C%E2%80%9D,often%20reinforces%20dominant%20narratives%20of%20power.%E2%80%9D%20Through , Course Description on Visionary Fiction at UC Santa Barbara
